I can't sleep. I've checked my email. Checked myspace. Even facebook too. No new messages, no one is online. Only idiots are up at 3am. What am I doing up at 3am? Thinking. It's a very dangerous thing.
Thinking about life, thinking about death, thinking about thinking. So many things happen in our lives that we have no control over, that we don't think are even possible. Those things that "happen to other people" happen to us and we're surprised by it all. Things change and that's the only constant we have in life.
Three days ago I thought by this time today I would be spending the night in my own place, in my OWN place. Didn't happen. A week ago, I thought a little girl I would claim as my own wouldn't need surgery to remove this ugly, foreign thing from her chest. Didn't happen. Maybe I'm just too optimistic. Maybe I shouldn't have the glass-half-full frame of mind.
We get in a routine, we get in a rut. And when that routine is threatened, we feel vulnerable. Exposed. Raw. Why do we feel that way? Why do I feel that way? Things happen for a reason. I know that. I know God has a plan for everyone, God has someone for everyone. But where is my someone? Who is my someone? I want my person. My person.
One day at a time. He'll guide me.
One day at a time.
4 years ago
1 comment:
Hang in there! I know it's hard, but God does have a plan! And I don't think you're crazy for being up at 3AM! Isn't that usual for you anyway? Love ya!
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