Is this not the most precious little girl ever?! I got to spend some time with her today, and she has the best personality in the world! She's so sweet.

January 12, 2008

Allison is home! They were able to come home late Thursday night. All of her scans came back negative, it doesn't look like anything has spread. They have to go back next week for another deep tissue scan and an MRI, and then after that her panel of doctors will discuss what the next step is. We still don't know if she needs chemo, but they did tell Alicia that if she does, it would be like a 3-4 day treatment, and hopefully would only need to happen once. So, all in all it's great news!

I found out yesterday unofficially that I got the full time position at work. I was so excited! I babysit for one of the supervisors kids, so I have his cell phone number, and have been texting him for the past week to see if he'd heard anything. He finally texted me yesterday and said "congrats!". He said I got it, and that the supervisor that does all the notifications would be getting with me soon. I've yet to hear from him, so he might be waiting until Monday to let me know. I'll be curious to see which position I got and what my hours will be.

I completely cleaned my car out today. When I thought I was moving out the other week, Heather had cleaned out her kitchen and gave me a ton of dishes. They've been in my backseat since then. I finally cleaned out my trunk and moved them there. Mom won't let me put them anywhere in the house because she says I'll just leave them there and forget about them. She knows me so well! Anyway, I cleaned everything out, wiped all the surfaces down, and even went to the carwash and vacuumed the carpet! The vacuum wasn't the greatest, but it did it's job. Now I just need to get the outside washed. I also scraped off my ULM parking sticker from my back windshield. I'm officially not a student anymore! :D

caught off guard...

Browsing through Facebook today, I noticed this Bible verse on a friend's page:

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
(Matthew 6:19-21)

I got to thinking about my work situation. One of the main reason I'm wanting to go full time right now is so I'm making more money and can move out. I want my own place, my own things. Let me rephrase that...my own Earthly things. Is that where I want my heart to be? Do I want to portray to other people that all I care about is things on this Earth? I want my heart to pour out love for Christ, not love for a nice sofa or a state-of-the-art tv/dvd combo. Sure it's nice to have those things, and if you can afford them, why not? But you have to ask yourself, is that how you want to identify yourself to others? I don't want people to think of me as "oh she's the girl who has the nice apartment and awesome furnishing, but what else doe she have, what does she accomplish with her life?"

I think I need re-evaluate a few things...

Today...

This is my Allison today. If you saw her, you would never guess she had major surgery a week ago. She's running around, playing with her sister and her kitty, like nothing happened. Every once in a while she'll complain of her back hurting, but even then if you ask if she wants medicine to make it feel better, she says no. It's amazing how her little body has rebounded from everything.

I went to their house after church this morning and Alicia and I went to the mall and Target and all over the place. She'd said she wanted to get out of the house because after tomorrow she's not sure how long she'll be couped up somewhere. It was nice to get out and do something.

They're leaving around noon tomorrow for Memphis. From what she knows, they're going to do a bone marrow biopsy and something called a MIBG scan. The type of tumor she had was called ganglioneuroblastoma. It's a type of nervous tissue tumor, and the MIBG scan tests for that, so I guess they're doing that to make sure there's nothing they missed. Their appointment is Tuesday morning, but there's no telling how long they'll be staying. The hospital already set them up at the Target House, so at least they don't have to drive to and from a hotel every day until/if they admit her.

We're all very optimistic at this point. It was grim looking at the beginning, but we're better now. We know everything will turn out the way God planned it. It's not over yet, but we're hanging on in case it's a wild ride.

I can't sleep. I've checked my email. Checked myspace. Even facebook too. No new messages, no one is online. Only idiots are up at 3am. What am I doing up at 3am? Thinking. It's a very dangerous thing.

Thinking about life, thinking about death, thinking about thinking. So many things happen in our lives that we have no control over, that we don't think are even possible. Those things that "happen to other people" happen to us and we're surprised by it all. Things change and that's the only constant we have in life.

Three days ago I thought by this time today I would be spending the night in my own place, in my OWN place. Didn't happen. A week ago, I thought a little girl I would claim as my own wouldn't need surgery to remove this ugly, foreign thing from her chest. Didn't happen. Maybe I'm just too optimistic. Maybe I shouldn't have the glass-half-full frame of mind.

We get in a routine, we get in a rut. And when that routine is threatened, we feel vulnerable. Exposed. Raw. Why do we feel that way? Why do I feel that way? Things happen for a reason. I know that. I know God has a plan for everyone, God has someone for everyone. But where is my someone? Who is my someone? I want my person. My person.

One day at a time. He'll guide me.

One day at a time.

updates all around....

Allison has cancer.

Alicia called me around 3:30 this afternoon to tell me that they'd just gotten out of meeting with the doctors. The tumor they removed was 95% mature, which means it'd stopped growing. But it also means that 5% was immature, and had the potential to grow or spread. Since it was so big (3 inches) there were also 6 lymph nodes that were involved and surrounded it, and 3 of those have immature cells in them.

I asked Alicia if I could do anything, and she asked me to call a mutual friend of ours and update her, and then call their daycare and update them. I hung up with her and lost it. Mom was taking down the Christmas tree and heard he hollering at her to come in the kitchen, and when she saw me crying she knew it'd been bad news. I told her what Alicia told me, and then I called Laura to see what she could tell me about any kind of prognosis or anything. She didn't know much, cause I didn't have much information to tell her.

They'll get to come home this weekend, I'm assuming to get more stuff together, wash clothes, etc..I'm supposed to go over there Saturday or Sunday and get a list of people to call with updates when Alicia calls me. It's the least I can do. Sarah is supposed to go back to school Monday too, I'm not sure what they're going to do about that.

Allison had surgery yesterday to remove her tumor. Turns out it was wrapped around her lung and compressing it, so that's why she was having trouble breathing and had such a bad cough. The doctors said they were able to get everything they could see, so that's good news as well. She does have quite the incision though, running from about her mid chest to her mid back.

She's resting comfortably now, but is full of tubes and cords and medicine. She has a chest tube going directly into her side, which is draining the incision, but has local anesthesia so she can't feel it, and then just the general pain medicine that makes her very groggy. She's awake for about 20-30 minutes at a time and then dozes off for a few hours. When she is awake, she's alert, knows who is around her, and is even cracking a few jokes. She told us today we couldn't have a bite of her popsicle because we weren't sick, she was.

The doctors keep giving different stories on when the test results will be back. First it was supposed to be tomorrow, then Friday, then they said something about Monday. So right now we're just waiting.

Prayers are still needed. We're hoping the results come back all clean and nothing else has to be done, but you never know. And if all results are good, she still has a long road to recovery. So thanks to everyone who has lifted this little girl and her family up. It's not over yet!